I’m going in search of the adventure of being alive.
And it’s complicated: why am I not looking for happiness when everyone has taught me that happiness is the only goal worth pursuing?
Why am i going to risk taking a path that no one else is taking?After all, what is happiness?
Love, they tell me. But love doesn’t bring and never has brought happiness.
On the contrary, its a constant state of anxiety, a battlefield; its sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we’re doing the right thing. Real love is composed of ecstacy and agony.All right then, peace.
Peace? If we look at the Mother, she’s never at peace. The winter does battle with the summer, the sun and d moon never meet, the tiger chases the man, who’s afraid of the dog, who chases the cat, who chases the mouse, who frightens the man.
Money brings happiness. Fine. In that case, everyone who earns enough to have a high standard of living would be able to stop work. But then they’re more troubled than ever, as if they were afraid of losing everything. Money attracts money, that’s true. Poverty might bring unhappiness, but money wont necessarily bring happiness.I spent a lot of my life looking for happiness, now what i want is joy.
Joy is like sex – it begins and ends. I want pleasure. I want to be contended, but happiness? I no longer fall into that trap.
by Paulo Coelho ( “The Witch of Portobello” )
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
********** miss you love **********
Excerpt from Inside Neon Ballroom during their studio recording:
It's not actually a love song at all. It's about not being in love, not finding love and not caring about it.
It's not actually a love song at all. It's about not being in love, not finding love and not caring about it.
..
I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel -- like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart - locked inside.
Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too.. but I'll never know.
Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too.. but I'll never know.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
10 things no woman should allow any man to talk her into..
I was utterly bored yesterday when I came across another artik from one of my favorite bloggers, Anonymousmale1. Just thought of sharing it here wishing every girl can read this, too. It's kinda very long but it's worth the read :)
Men can be pretty persuasive. They've been known to talk women into almost every poor situation imaginable under the disguise of love. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times that when a man starts a sentence with "If you love me", what comes next is going to be disrespectful to you as a person, a woman and an individual.
Real love has no conditions, there is only love. Therefore there should never be any situation that arises that calls for you to prove your love for him. None! Anyway, this statement is not about real love but rather more about showing how much more you love him than he you.
He is really saying that if you love him so much more then you love yourself then you should be willing to humiliate, disrespect, degrade or brand yourself to show it.
This is especially true of young impressionable women whom have yet to understand that they are most times being manipulated by men who really are only passing through their lives and have no real intention of being with them long term.
The sad thing is that it's hard to explain to someone on the threshold of adulthood that the decisions you make today, can and will haunt you for years to come. One of the sad truths of life is that we cannot go back and change the past. Whatever is done is done, so you my dear young lady really need to think about whatever it is that he's asking. If it's something that makes you pause and have to carefully think about it, it probably shouldn't be done period. After this point it may be wise to also evaluate your relationship as a whole because he probably isn't the right man for you, or any other woman for that matter.
Before I get the the list of things that you should not allow men to talk you into, I would like to take this time to tell you a true story about a friend of mine and a terrible guy that she was convinced loved her.
I had been in the Middle East for approximately three weeks when one morning my phone rang and it was a young female family friend. We exchanged pleasantries and then she got down to the reason for the call.
She worked as a sales associate for a leading retailer in Torrance California and had been arrested for theft of merchandise from the store. This really threw me for a loop because she came from a very affluent family, and she was always so level headed despite being a young 20 years old.
To make a long story short, after probing I discovered several interesting facts. She had met a guy who was in his mid 20's several months before I had left the Country. I had no idea about this relationship and therefore I hadn't the opportunity to meet him. Her parents of course also hadn't met him at this point, which I found interesting.
She also went on to tell me that she had recently discovered that she was 9 weeks pregnant. I was really disappointed by this revelation, however she's an adult and I had to respect that. Of course her parents also knew nothing of this either.
Digging through all this I finally convinced her to tell me what happened to make her get arrested. What she told me really upset me and at the same time I felt sorry for her. This is why: Her new boyfriend talked her into working a scam at her store in order for him to make some cash. The scam was that he would walk into the store, select an expensive item and then take it to her register where she would enter the item into the register as a return. He would then be issued cash in the amount of the item for merchandise that he had never purchased.
In retail they call this "Theft by deception", and it happens to all associates from time to time. However, when it occurs too often then Loss Prevention gets involved and identify that no associate is that unlucky. They review the tapes and realise that the same guy is making these false returns to the same associate and "Boom", the associate is arrested because she is a willing participant in the theft. This is what happened in her case, red flags, ending in her arrest.
I inquired as to who's idiotic idea it was for this reckless act to occur? Knowing her, I already knew the answer. Her new boyfriend had lost his job and convinced her that with a child coming he needed to make some cash until he could get another job. He ended the conversation with, you guessed it, "If you love me you'll help me with this."
Above I stated that I was disappointed in her, and I of course let her know that in a very stern tone of voice. I also was very sorry for her because she was going to have a child with a man who had no real love for her whatsoever, which meant that she would have him in her life for a minimal of the next 18 years.
I don't even have to mention that this man over the course of a few months had taken a young woman with a bright future and gotten her pregnant, cost her her job, made her a felon and ruined her parents dream of her completing College in the near future. How? All this was accomplished with false "LOVE."
Needless to say that I informed her that she was to contact her family attorney, inform him of how and why this situation occurred. I instructed her to inform him of who's idea it was and then ask him to attempt to cut a deal with the prosecutor. The last thing she needed in life was to go through it with a felony record.
I also informed her that she needed to inform her parents (who were paying for her education, apartment and car) of the relationship and pending grandchild. It was only fair for them to know what was going on in their daughters life and how it would affect them.
The last I heard (she won't call me because she thinks I'm pissed at her), her family is raising the child (their choice). She finished the degree she started, she got off with probation and the ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found as expected. She was lucky to have caring and understanding family, otherwise this could have been an even worse disaster. Hopefully she learned something from all this, just because a man says he loves you, doesn't make it so. Make sure his actions match his words, please. Oh, and for the thousandth time, if he says, "if you love me" he really doesn't!
Now, lets get down to "Things no woman should allow men to talk her into", shall we?
1) Tattoo his name on your body: I see this walking down the streets of Vegas everyday. I cannot help but to wonder what the hell do some women think about. What happens if he leaves you? Or you leave him? Do you think that the next man you meet really wants to read another mans name on your body? Any man that suggests such a thing is really only interested in showing the world that you are his property. Is that what you want to think of yourself, someones property? Children's (yours) names are acceptable, but some guy that you're going out with, one who doesn't have the decency to even make you his wife? Not a chance in hell. To be honest with you, men shouldn't do this either. It's not a true expression of love, it's an expression of ownership!
2) Video taping your private moments: I think Kim Kardashian is possibly one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I really do. With that said, it was no surprise to me that she and Reggie Bush are no longer together. When that video of her and Ray J hit the Internet many people speculated that it was for publicity. It may have been, but at what price?
Men are fickle characters, we do not even like to think about what women have done with previous lovers. How do you think we feel when we know that there's a video of your sexual activity making the rounds? Regardless of how hard we try it's simply not really possible for us to block that out of our minds.
Even though we know you may not be a virgin the day we meet you, in our minds we convince ourselves that you are a virgin to us. We constantly remind ourselves that before us there was no one, we block your former relationships out of our mind. Unless there's a tape which becomes a testament that there was sex before us.
So unless you're doing it for publicity (if you think it's worth it) then you should never ever allow any man to film your sexual romp with him.
Why would you anyway? That's what we have memory for, tell him to utilize his if he wants to remember what it was like, but don't give into his pleads to film it. Once that tape is completed it could eventually land in any ones hands especially if you two end the relationship on a bad note. Many women have been blackmailed with these same tapes that they so readily agreed to do, under the thought that no one would ever see the tape except them. I can assure you that if he made the tape, some of his friends have seen it as well. Why? Because unworthy men love to brag about their exploits, even at your expense.
Sending graphic text photos are the same thing. You only think he's the only one that will see it. Wrong! He's likely to brag that he can talk you into doing anything, even something as degrading as sending him nude photos for he and his friends to oogle over.
3) Have his baby out of wedlock: When a guy you've been dating for a short time begins to talk about having a child, you should be weary. He'll start talking about how much he loves children and cannot wait to have one of his own. It may sound sweet to you because you'd never been with a man who expressed himself this way. Generally most men are not so forthright about having kids until they are married.
Now do we have kids before marriage? Sure we do, but generally they are not planned. In these instances we accept it for what it is and some of us man up and become the father we're supposed to be. Others, they run, telling people that the child is not theirs and that you were sleeping with other men as well. In short, they simply don't know how to be men and don't want the responsibility of being a father or pay child support.
So when you have this man talking about you having his baby, red flags should erupt! Why? Because this is rare in a man. If he talks about getting married to you and then having a child, good for you, he's probably sincere. If it's simply lets have a baby, he has an ulterior motive. What he really wants is to cement his place within your life. He figures if you have his baby you'll never leave him. These men tend to be insecure, abusive and extremely jealous with bouts of kindness in between.
If you have a man like this and you're only utilizing condoms for protection against pregnancy, you may want to get a back-up such as pills as well. If he really wants to cement his place in your life, punching a small hole in a condom is a easy way to get what he wants and pass it off as a miracle baby.
4) Having an Abortion: It is no mans place to tell you to have an abortion. Men have no idea the trauma women suffer from undergoing this procedure. I know more than my share of women who have confessed to me that they would do anything to have not had that situation have happened to them. They regret it years later, they have experienced depression and guilt over it.
The strange thing is that although they do not know one another they both informed me that they only had an abortion because the man they were with at the time talked them into it. Telling them things such as, "We're not ready for a child" or "We have plenty of time to have a child later."
They thought these men would be with them forever. Now, years later these men are gone and they are left with the memory of this experience that they cannot shake.
No man has the right to make that decision. As the late great Tupoc said, "No man has the right to tell women when to create one." If this situation arises, the decision should be your own, not his. You have to live with it, he doesn't. He doesn't have to go through the procedure and many times he will be absent anyway. Men most times create all these excuses why you should have an abortion but he never tells you the real reason he wants you to. Most times it's because he is a sorry ass excuse for a man, who enjoyed the activity that led to the pregnancy but refuses to accept the responsibility that comes with it. He is unwilling to commit to being tied to you for the next 18 years and therefore he wants to eliminate the possibility.
So if you are in this situation, it's your decision to make. Yes you can listen to what he has to say, but the final decision should be yours and yours alone.
5) Believing that his baby's mother is crazy: I read a quote by a woman once who stated that there is a special place in hell for women whom do not help other women. If there is it's bound to be filled with women whom allow men to convince them that the mother of his child was a crazy b**ch!
If you as a woman are confronted with this situation, it is in your best interest to investigate for yourself.
If you allow him to make you believe this to be true, soon it could be you that he is telling his next woman is crazy. You should start by taking a look at how much if any interaction he has with his child? Then look at what type of financial and emotional support he's providing?
I can assure you that if these two things are absent, his only recourse is to convince you or any other woman he becomes involved with that she's the culprit. Where in reality he's actually a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want or need a man in your life like this? If he will not provide and accept responsibility for his own child, what makes you believe he'll do those things for you and God forbid you make the same mistake and have a child with him as well.
6) Sleep with his friend: Sounds crazy doesn't it? But it happens, especially in younger women. It goes hand in hand with that statement, "If you love me." Again this is a situation where he knows that you love him a lot more then he cares for you and you're willing to do any and everything he asks to remain with him. I saw this play out many times when I was in College and thought it only appropriate to list it here.
No man should make such a request of you, for any reason. If this request is made you should reflect back on your relationship and pin point the time you allowed him to stop respecting you as a person and a woman. He didn't just suddenly feel he could make this request, he'd built up to it over time by doing other disrespectful things to you.
If this has happened to you, chances are there is a video of you floating around somewhere as well as nude photos. This man has no respect for you and probably never did. If you are with him now, chances are you have little respect for yourself as well. The longer you stay in this relationship the better the chance that you'll eventually lose any remaining respect you may have and lower your already rock bottom self esteem.
7) Steal or help him steal: Oh, we already covered this in the beginning of the post.
8) Co-sign for him: Credit is an important factor in our everyday lives and keeping your clean is paramount in everything from buying a home to getting a job in some instances.
Co-signing for anyone is a risky adventure and for a boyfriend it's even more so. One of the best signs of irresponsibility is credit rating. Why allow your life to be disrupted by his inability to be responsible? You shouldn't and he shouldn't even ask you to, however he may. Why? Because he feels that if he's sleeping with you, then you owe him something.
You owe him absolutely nothing, in essence, he owes you for allowing him the opportunity to be with you. Now, what you can do if you chose is to assist him with repairing his credit so he can get his life on track. Don't do it for him though, simply show him how its done and see if he's responsible enough to follow through with taking care of it. If he doesn't, then you may want to cut your losses and move on to a man more stable.
9) Believing he will leave his wife for you: No he won't, he may tell you he will but really it's to give you false hope so that he can either sleep with you or continue to sleep with you. Men who are married understand that if they are not happy in their marriage there is this thing called divorce.
If he really was going to leave her he would have done so long before he met you and convinced you to listen to his bulls**t! He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is simply playing the numbers game, seeing how long you'll hang on and continue to let him have his way with you before you wise up and move on.
Why would you want a man that's married to someone else anyway? Especially one that is willing to cheat on his current wife with you. What type of character does he have? None! He's dishonest, untrustworthy, a liar and a cheat. You my pretty can rest assured that he has no respect for you or his wife and as one intelligent person so eloquently put it, "Any man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress, leaves a vacancy in that position." Is that what you want for your future? To eventually be with a man that you know is incapable of being loyal? I really hope not!
10) Sleeping with him without some form of protection: I wish I had a nickle for every child born into this world for one night of unprotected passion. I'd be wealthy beyond my dreams and yours as well. As a single woman you should always have some type of protection, there is no excuse for being ill prepared.
Many men like the thrill of throwing caution to the wind, unfortunately it's at your expense. To take this chance is much too risky for my taste, as it should be yours. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Ever hear of STD's, particularly HIV?
As a single woman you should have in your purse at the very least a small pack of condoms. This way when things get hot and heavy unexpectedly and he goes into the mode of saying that he doesn't have any protection, you do. All men have said and will continue to tell women that they will not make a mistake and they don't need any protection. They make promises that they'll get up in time or the overall biggest lie of all time, "I'm stirile or had a vasectomy."
Either way you need to always be prepared, because if not and you allow him to talk you into this reckless behavior not only will you be taking a chance of creating a life, you may unknowingly be taking a chance of losing your life. With that said, do you still think it could be worth it? I didn't think so. Always be prepared for the unexpected, carry your own protection.
11) Assisting him with doing anything illegal: I know some of you have those boyfriends that lend excitement to you and your life now. However, years later when you look back on this time in your life you'll try to offer it up as youthful indiscretion. Assuming that you are afforded the opportunity to look back on this time.
So many women have gotten into fixes that they cannot get out of based on the man of their choosing. They've been talked into assisting in drug sales, carrying unlicensed weapons, receiving stolen property and more.
What happens when you decide to become an adult? It's difficult when you have a felony record over your head, trust me. How do you tell the right man when he comes along that he cannot take you to Paris on your honeymoon because you cannot get a passport because of a felony record you picked-up during your youthful indiscretion years? It happens!
I remember in LA in the mid 90's when a female decided to date a member of one of the cities gangs. For whatever reason she after a period of time decided to severe the relationship. He of course had other ideas and while she and her sister were on their way to work at prominate jobs on a Military installation, he and some friends pulled along side them and fired a single shot.
This single shot killed her sister instantly!
Just thought you may want to know that these things do happen and if you fail to select the right man it can just as well happen in your life.
If he is living a life of crime, albiet a interesting one it comes with a terrible price. You need to deciede if you're willing or able to pay this price when the day comes to settle up the debts.
Hopefully some of you can take some of the things I've wrote here and learn from it. For those of you that chose to ignore these things, I wish you luck. All of us seek someone who will appreciate us for who we are and not who we were. This is made easier when we identify people who mean us no ill will and respect us as people.
As a woman you may deal with many men before you meet that right guy, hopefully those that you spent time with before this meeting will not have left any negative residue on your soul and spirit.
Please be careful and never allow any man to talk you into anything that can be considered degrading or disrespectful to you as a woman and a human being. You deserve better then to be minipulated by someone under the guise of love. Remember, what you do today can affect you and your future for life.
Anonymousmale1
Source: http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/10-things-that-women-should-never-allow-any-man-to-talk-them-into/
PS. I just noticed that it's actually 11 things, but didn't bother to change the title anymore :)
Men can be pretty persuasive. They've been known to talk women into almost every poor situation imaginable under the disguise of love. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times that when a man starts a sentence with "If you love me", what comes next is going to be disrespectful to you as a person, a woman and an individual.
Real love has no conditions, there is only love. Therefore there should never be any situation that arises that calls for you to prove your love for him. None! Anyway, this statement is not about real love but rather more about showing how much more you love him than he you.
He is really saying that if you love him so much more then you love yourself then you should be willing to humiliate, disrespect, degrade or brand yourself to show it.
This is especially true of young impressionable women whom have yet to understand that they are most times being manipulated by men who really are only passing through their lives and have no real intention of being with them long term.
The sad thing is that it's hard to explain to someone on the threshold of adulthood that the decisions you make today, can and will haunt you for years to come. One of the sad truths of life is that we cannot go back and change the past. Whatever is done is done, so you my dear young lady really need to think about whatever it is that he's asking. If it's something that makes you pause and have to carefully think about it, it probably shouldn't be done period. After this point it may be wise to also evaluate your relationship as a whole because he probably isn't the right man for you, or any other woman for that matter.
Before I get the the list of things that you should not allow men to talk you into, I would like to take this time to tell you a true story about a friend of mine and a terrible guy that she was convinced loved her.
I had been in the Middle East for approximately three weeks when one morning my phone rang and it was a young female family friend. We exchanged pleasantries and then she got down to the reason for the call.
She worked as a sales associate for a leading retailer in Torrance California and had been arrested for theft of merchandise from the store. This really threw me for a loop because she came from a very affluent family, and she was always so level headed despite being a young 20 years old.
To make a long story short, after probing I discovered several interesting facts. She had met a guy who was in his mid 20's several months before I had left the Country. I had no idea about this relationship and therefore I hadn't the opportunity to meet him. Her parents of course also hadn't met him at this point, which I found interesting.
She also went on to tell me that she had recently discovered that she was 9 weeks pregnant. I was really disappointed by this revelation, however she's an adult and I had to respect that. Of course her parents also knew nothing of this either.
Digging through all this I finally convinced her to tell me what happened to make her get arrested. What she told me really upset me and at the same time I felt sorry for her. This is why: Her new boyfriend talked her into working a scam at her store in order for him to make some cash. The scam was that he would walk into the store, select an expensive item and then take it to her register where she would enter the item into the register as a return. He would then be issued cash in the amount of the item for merchandise that he had never purchased.
In retail they call this "Theft by deception", and it happens to all associates from time to time. However, when it occurs too often then Loss Prevention gets involved and identify that no associate is that unlucky. They review the tapes and realise that the same guy is making these false returns to the same associate and "Boom", the associate is arrested because she is a willing participant in the theft. This is what happened in her case, red flags, ending in her arrest.
I inquired as to who's idiotic idea it was for this reckless act to occur? Knowing her, I already knew the answer. Her new boyfriend had lost his job and convinced her that with a child coming he needed to make some cash until he could get another job. He ended the conversation with, you guessed it, "If you love me you'll help me with this."
Above I stated that I was disappointed in her, and I of course let her know that in a very stern tone of voice. I also was very sorry for her because she was going to have a child with a man who had no real love for her whatsoever, which meant that she would have him in her life for a minimal of the next 18 years.
I don't even have to mention that this man over the course of a few months had taken a young woman with a bright future and gotten her pregnant, cost her her job, made her a felon and ruined her parents dream of her completing College in the near future. How? All this was accomplished with false "LOVE."
Needless to say that I informed her that she was to contact her family attorney, inform him of how and why this situation occurred. I instructed her to inform him of who's idea it was and then ask him to attempt to cut a deal with the prosecutor. The last thing she needed in life was to go through it with a felony record.
I also informed her that she needed to inform her parents (who were paying for her education, apartment and car) of the relationship and pending grandchild. It was only fair for them to know what was going on in their daughters life and how it would affect them.
The last I heard (she won't call me because she thinks I'm pissed at her), her family is raising the child (their choice). She finished the degree she started, she got off with probation and the ex-boyfriend is nowhere to be found as expected. She was lucky to have caring and understanding family, otherwise this could have been an even worse disaster. Hopefully she learned something from all this, just because a man says he loves you, doesn't make it so. Make sure his actions match his words, please. Oh, and for the thousandth time, if he says, "if you love me" he really doesn't!
Now, lets get down to "Things no woman should allow men to talk her into", shall we?
1) Tattoo his name on your body: I see this walking down the streets of Vegas everyday. I cannot help but to wonder what the hell do some women think about. What happens if he leaves you? Or you leave him? Do you think that the next man you meet really wants to read another mans name on your body? Any man that suggests such a thing is really only interested in showing the world that you are his property. Is that what you want to think of yourself, someones property? Children's (yours) names are acceptable, but some guy that you're going out with, one who doesn't have the decency to even make you his wife? Not a chance in hell. To be honest with you, men shouldn't do this either. It's not a true expression of love, it's an expression of ownership!
2) Video taping your private moments: I think Kim Kardashian is possibly one of the most beautiful women on the planet, I really do. With that said, it was no surprise to me that she and Reggie Bush are no longer together. When that video of her and Ray J hit the Internet many people speculated that it was for publicity. It may have been, but at what price?
Men are fickle characters, we do not even like to think about what women have done with previous lovers. How do you think we feel when we know that there's a video of your sexual activity making the rounds? Regardless of how hard we try it's simply not really possible for us to block that out of our minds.
Even though we know you may not be a virgin the day we meet you, in our minds we convince ourselves that you are a virgin to us. We constantly remind ourselves that before us there was no one, we block your former relationships out of our mind. Unless there's a tape which becomes a testament that there was sex before us.
So unless you're doing it for publicity (if you think it's worth it) then you should never ever allow any man to film your sexual romp with him.
Why would you anyway? That's what we have memory for, tell him to utilize his if he wants to remember what it was like, but don't give into his pleads to film it. Once that tape is completed it could eventually land in any ones hands especially if you two end the relationship on a bad note. Many women have been blackmailed with these same tapes that they so readily agreed to do, under the thought that no one would ever see the tape except them. I can assure you that if he made the tape, some of his friends have seen it as well. Why? Because unworthy men love to brag about their exploits, even at your expense.
Sending graphic text photos are the same thing. You only think he's the only one that will see it. Wrong! He's likely to brag that he can talk you into doing anything, even something as degrading as sending him nude photos for he and his friends to oogle over.
3) Have his baby out of wedlock: When a guy you've been dating for a short time begins to talk about having a child, you should be weary. He'll start talking about how much he loves children and cannot wait to have one of his own. It may sound sweet to you because you'd never been with a man who expressed himself this way. Generally most men are not so forthright about having kids until they are married.
Now do we have kids before marriage? Sure we do, but generally they are not planned. In these instances we accept it for what it is and some of us man up and become the father we're supposed to be. Others, they run, telling people that the child is not theirs and that you were sleeping with other men as well. In short, they simply don't know how to be men and don't want the responsibility of being a father or pay child support.
So when you have this man talking about you having his baby, red flags should erupt! Why? Because this is rare in a man. If he talks about getting married to you and then having a child, good for you, he's probably sincere. If it's simply lets have a baby, he has an ulterior motive. What he really wants is to cement his place within your life. He figures if you have his baby you'll never leave him. These men tend to be insecure, abusive and extremely jealous with bouts of kindness in between.
If you have a man like this and you're only utilizing condoms for protection against pregnancy, you may want to get a back-up such as pills as well. If he really wants to cement his place in your life, punching a small hole in a condom is a easy way to get what he wants and pass it off as a miracle baby.
4) Having an Abortion: It is no mans place to tell you to have an abortion. Men have no idea the trauma women suffer from undergoing this procedure. I know more than my share of women who have confessed to me that they would do anything to have not had that situation have happened to them. They regret it years later, they have experienced depression and guilt over it.
The strange thing is that although they do not know one another they both informed me that they only had an abortion because the man they were with at the time talked them into it. Telling them things such as, "We're not ready for a child" or "We have plenty of time to have a child later."
They thought these men would be with them forever. Now, years later these men are gone and they are left with the memory of this experience that they cannot shake.
No man has the right to make that decision. As the late great Tupoc said, "No man has the right to tell women when to create one." If this situation arises, the decision should be your own, not his. You have to live with it, he doesn't. He doesn't have to go through the procedure and many times he will be absent anyway. Men most times create all these excuses why you should have an abortion but he never tells you the real reason he wants you to. Most times it's because he is a sorry ass excuse for a man, who enjoyed the activity that led to the pregnancy but refuses to accept the responsibility that comes with it. He is unwilling to commit to being tied to you for the next 18 years and therefore he wants to eliminate the possibility.
So if you are in this situation, it's your decision to make. Yes you can listen to what he has to say, but the final decision should be yours and yours alone.
5) Believing that his baby's mother is crazy: I read a quote by a woman once who stated that there is a special place in hell for women whom do not help other women. If there is it's bound to be filled with women whom allow men to convince them that the mother of his child was a crazy b**ch!
If you as a woman are confronted with this situation, it is in your best interest to investigate for yourself.
If you allow him to make you believe this to be true, soon it could be you that he is telling his next woman is crazy. You should start by taking a look at how much if any interaction he has with his child? Then look at what type of financial and emotional support he's providing?
I can assure you that if these two things are absent, his only recourse is to convince you or any other woman he becomes involved with that she's the culprit. Where in reality he's actually a sorry excuse for a man. Do you want or need a man in your life like this? If he will not provide and accept responsibility for his own child, what makes you believe he'll do those things for you and God forbid you make the same mistake and have a child with him as well.
6) Sleep with his friend: Sounds crazy doesn't it? But it happens, especially in younger women. It goes hand in hand with that statement, "If you love me." Again this is a situation where he knows that you love him a lot more then he cares for you and you're willing to do any and everything he asks to remain with him. I saw this play out many times when I was in College and thought it only appropriate to list it here.
No man should make such a request of you, for any reason. If this request is made you should reflect back on your relationship and pin point the time you allowed him to stop respecting you as a person and a woman. He didn't just suddenly feel he could make this request, he'd built up to it over time by doing other disrespectful things to you.
If this has happened to you, chances are there is a video of you floating around somewhere as well as nude photos. This man has no respect for you and probably never did. If you are with him now, chances are you have little respect for yourself as well. The longer you stay in this relationship the better the chance that you'll eventually lose any remaining respect you may have and lower your already rock bottom self esteem.
7) Steal or help him steal: Oh, we already covered this in the beginning of the post.
8) Co-sign for him: Credit is an important factor in our everyday lives and keeping your clean is paramount in everything from buying a home to getting a job in some instances.
Co-signing for anyone is a risky adventure and for a boyfriend it's even more so. One of the best signs of irresponsibility is credit rating. Why allow your life to be disrupted by his inability to be responsible? You shouldn't and he shouldn't even ask you to, however he may. Why? Because he feels that if he's sleeping with you, then you owe him something.
You owe him absolutely nothing, in essence, he owes you for allowing him the opportunity to be with you. Now, what you can do if you chose is to assist him with repairing his credit so he can get his life on track. Don't do it for him though, simply show him how its done and see if he's responsible enough to follow through with taking care of it. If he doesn't, then you may want to cut your losses and move on to a man more stable.
9) Believing he will leave his wife for you: No he won't, he may tell you he will but really it's to give you false hope so that he can either sleep with you or continue to sleep with you. Men who are married understand that if they are not happy in their marriage there is this thing called divorce.
If he really was going to leave her he would have done so long before he met you and convinced you to listen to his bulls**t! He simply wants to have his cake and eat it too. He is simply playing the numbers game, seeing how long you'll hang on and continue to let him have his way with you before you wise up and move on.
Why would you want a man that's married to someone else anyway? Especially one that is willing to cheat on his current wife with you. What type of character does he have? None! He's dishonest, untrustworthy, a liar and a cheat. You my pretty can rest assured that he has no respect for you or his wife and as one intelligent person so eloquently put it, "Any man who divorces his wife to marry his mistress, leaves a vacancy in that position." Is that what you want for your future? To eventually be with a man that you know is incapable of being loyal? I really hope not!
10) Sleeping with him without some form of protection: I wish I had a nickle for every child born into this world for one night of unprotected passion. I'd be wealthy beyond my dreams and yours as well. As a single woman you should always have some type of protection, there is no excuse for being ill prepared.
Many men like the thrill of throwing caution to the wind, unfortunately it's at your expense. To take this chance is much too risky for my taste, as it should be yours. Pregnancy is the least of your worries. Ever hear of STD's, particularly HIV?
As a single woman you should have in your purse at the very least a small pack of condoms. This way when things get hot and heavy unexpectedly and he goes into the mode of saying that he doesn't have any protection, you do. All men have said and will continue to tell women that they will not make a mistake and they don't need any protection. They make promises that they'll get up in time or the overall biggest lie of all time, "I'm stirile or had a vasectomy."
Either way you need to always be prepared, because if not and you allow him to talk you into this reckless behavior not only will you be taking a chance of creating a life, you may unknowingly be taking a chance of losing your life. With that said, do you still think it could be worth it? I didn't think so. Always be prepared for the unexpected, carry your own protection.
11) Assisting him with doing anything illegal: I know some of you have those boyfriends that lend excitement to you and your life now. However, years later when you look back on this time in your life you'll try to offer it up as youthful indiscretion. Assuming that you are afforded the opportunity to look back on this time.
So many women have gotten into fixes that they cannot get out of based on the man of their choosing. They've been talked into assisting in drug sales, carrying unlicensed weapons, receiving stolen property and more.
What happens when you decide to become an adult? It's difficult when you have a felony record over your head, trust me. How do you tell the right man when he comes along that he cannot take you to Paris on your honeymoon because you cannot get a passport because of a felony record you picked-up during your youthful indiscretion years? It happens!
I remember in LA in the mid 90's when a female decided to date a member of one of the cities gangs. For whatever reason she after a period of time decided to severe the relationship. He of course had other ideas and while she and her sister were on their way to work at prominate jobs on a Military installation, he and some friends pulled along side them and fired a single shot.
This single shot killed her sister instantly!
Just thought you may want to know that these things do happen and if you fail to select the right man it can just as well happen in your life.
If he is living a life of crime, albiet a interesting one it comes with a terrible price. You need to deciede if you're willing or able to pay this price when the day comes to settle up the debts.
Hopefully some of you can take some of the things I've wrote here and learn from it. For those of you that chose to ignore these things, I wish you luck. All of us seek someone who will appreciate us for who we are and not who we were. This is made easier when we identify people who mean us no ill will and respect us as people.
As a woman you may deal with many men before you meet that right guy, hopefully those that you spent time with before this meeting will not have left any negative residue on your soul and spirit.
Please be careful and never allow any man to talk you into anything that can be considered degrading or disrespectful to you as a woman and a human being. You deserve better then to be minipulated by someone under the guise of love. Remember, what you do today can affect you and your future for life.
Anonymousmale1
Source: http://anonymousmale1.wordpress.com/2009/09/26/10-things-that-women-should-never-allow-any-man-to-talk-them-into/
PS. I just noticed that it's actually 11 things, but didn't bother to change the title anymore :)
500 days of summer
i just watched 500 days of summer and this part really touched me and almost broke my heart...
Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
aaw :( thought i just had to share that. i might even have to use that line someday.
Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
aaw :( thought i just had to share that. i might even have to use that line someday.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
ily
Yes, I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.
Friday, March 26, 2010
earth hour 2010
This Saturday 27th of March, at 8.30pm, let's join millions of people around the world in the single most powerful call to action against climate change: Earth Hour.
== What is Earth Hour? ==
It is a chance for every individual, every business and every community to stand up and be responsible for our future.
== What does it involve? ==
Simply turning off your lights for 1 hour. Earth's hour.
== Why should I do this? ==
Earth Hour is not about saving electricity, it is instead a highly "visible" symbolic global action, that millions of people can easily join in with. It is an action that allows our voices to be joined together in sending out a serious message to our leaders, politicians and governments, saying: "We care about our planet!"
== What more can I do? ==
* Sign up to register your action for Earth Hour
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail/d.aspx?i4710vbmy0e0hykygq0jso3a3
* Follow Earth Hour live as it happens around the world
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbqy0e0hykygqbyoy3a3
* Have some fun in the dark
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbuy0e0hykygqbihj3a3
* Spread the word
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbyy0e0hykygq0y523a3
== What is Earth Hour? ==
It is a chance for every individual, every business and every community to stand up and be responsible for our future.
== What does it involve? ==
Simply turning off your lights for 1 hour. Earth's hour.
== Why should I do this? ==
Earth Hour is not about saving electricity, it is instead a highly "visible" symbolic global action, that millions of people can easily join in with. It is an action that allows our voices to be joined together in sending out a serious message to our leaders, politicians and governments, saying: "We care about our planet!"
== What more can I do? ==
* Sign up to register your action for Earth Hour
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail/d.aspx?i4710vbmy0e0hykygq0jso3a3
* Follow Earth Hour live as it happens around the world
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbqy0e0hykygqbyoy3a3
* Have some fun in the dark
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbuy0e0hykygqbihj3a3
* Spread the word
http://nl.panda.org/inxmail?i4710vbyy0e0hykygq0y523a3
Monday, March 22, 2010
the "meantime girl"
MY PERSONAL NOTE: Highly recommended read for martyr girls to realize their true worth and never allow assholes to treat them like doormats ever again... and for the "feeling God's gift to women" boys to put their act together and stop taking nice girls for granted.
What is a meantime girl?
She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”. You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.
She’s no one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a real woman either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid back; too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable.
She doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real woman” does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her.
She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you, and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.
It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went.
She’s just so cool… why can’t all women be like that?But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.
Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs. She could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart.
In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway yeah. I’m a meantime girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl that we maybe a lot of fun, but we cry too. A lot. And someday, we won’t be around for you anymore.
- Forwarded email from an ANONYMOUS WRITER
What is a meantime girl?
She’s the one you call when you’re bored because she makes you laugh. She’s the one you talk to when you’re feeling down because she’s willing to lend an ear and be a friend. She’s not the one you call when you need a date to your company’s Christmas party, or to go dancing with on a Saturday night. She’s the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find “The One”. You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.
She’s no one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don’t look at her as a real woman either. She’s not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light. She’s too laid back; too easily amused by the same things your male buddies are amused by. She’s too understanding, too comfortable.
She doesn’t make you feel nervous or excited the way a “real woman” does. But she’s cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you’re lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she’ll do just fine. You don’t have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don’t have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You’re not trying to get anything of substance out of her.
She’s not easy, but you know that she cares about you, and is attracted to you, and that she’ll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don’t have to explain yourself or the situation, that she’ll be able to cope with the fact that this isn’t the beginning of a relationship or that there’s any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her.
It won’t bother her that you’ll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye and go on a date with the woman you’ve been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you. She’ll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went.
She’s just so cool… why can’t all women be like that?But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don’t because to you, the situation between the two of you isn’t important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it’s really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don’t think she’s good enough to spend any real time with.
Sure, it’s mostly her fault, because she doesn’t have to give in to your needs. She could play the hard-to-get bitch like the rest of them do, if she really wanted to. But you and she both know that she probably couldn’t pull it off. Maybe she’s too short, or a little overweight, or has a birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell.
Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman. So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You’ll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she’ll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.
She doesn’t captivate you with her beauty or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She’s safe. She doesn’t want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone’s head. She wants to be special to someone too. We all do. She has feelings. She has a heart.
In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you’ve ever known because she’s had a front row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway. She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you’ve given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.
Anyway yeah. I’m a meantime girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don’t know the reason, really, and at this point I don’t even care. I just want to let every guy know who’s ever had the good fortune to have a meantime girl that we maybe a lot of fun, but we cry too. A lot. And someday, we won’t be around for you anymore.
- Forwarded email from an ANONYMOUS WRITER
Sunday, March 21, 2010
is it really farewell?
Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
it's all in the mind
Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
decisions.. decisions..
You must know that in any moment, a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person you stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you've been waiting for to fall into place.
Friday, March 19, 2010
KO'd by love
Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down <3
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down <3
Thursday, March 18, 2010
separated
If love was a bird then we wouldn't have wings
If love was a sky we'd be blue
If love was a choir then we could never sing
'cause love isn't for me and you
If love was an Oscar, you and I could never win
'Cause we could never act out our parts
If love is the Bible then we are lost in sin
'Cause it's not in our hearts
(So why don't you) go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
You'll do well
And I'll be fine
'Cause we're better off,
Separated
If love was a fire then we have lost the spark
Love never felt so cold
If love was the light then we're lost in the dark
Left with no one to hold
If love was a sport we're not on the same team
You and I are destined to lose
If love was an ocean then we are just a stream
'cause love isn't for me and you
(Why don't you) go your way,
And I'll go mine
Live your life,
And I'll live mine
You'll do well,
And I'll be fine
'Cause we're better off,
Separated
Boy I know we've had some good times,
It's sad but now we've got to say goodbye
Boy you know i loved you
I can't deny
Cant say we didn't try to make it work for you and I
I know it hurts so much but it's best for us,
Somewhere along this winding road we lost the trust
So walk away so you don't have to see me cry
Its killing me so,
Why don't you go
Go your way,
And I'll go mine
Live your life,
And I'll live mine
You'll do well
And I'll be fine
'Cause we're better off,
(so much better off)
Go your way
And I'll go mine
Live your life
And I'll live mine
You'll do well
And I'll be fine
'Cause we're better off,
(so much better off)
So much better off,
Separated
(im sorry we didn't make it)
Thursday, March 4, 2010
i'd like to make myself believe..
I miss being a kid. I miss the times when everything was easy and there were no complications in life. Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again.. skinned knees are easier to fix than a broken heart.
Fireflies - Owl City
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
Fireflies - Owl City
You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude
But I would just stand and stare
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
When I fall asleep
I'd like to make myself believe
That planet earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay
Awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams
brrroken
I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mending whole was good as new. What is broken is broken - and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best, than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
dealing with impossible people
Funny as it may seem but I wish I got to read this during the heat of my argument with Mr. Impossible. Thinking about it now, what happened was really petty and childish BUT still, I fell for it. I guess I always have to learn through my favorite teacher, "Experience". Ugh. Now I'm wondering, why do I even have to go through this shit?!
#1 Recognize that impossible people exist; you will eventually encounter them. There isn't a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: If you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you're probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.
#2 Be aware that some people simply aren't compatible. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for your personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water. It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim that "Everyone else likes me." This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so don't buy it. It doesn't matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is, the way the two of you interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts. To counter this, tell them that it is a logical fallacy, or specifically an Ad hominem.
#3 Understand that it's not you, it's them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. If you're dealing with an impossible person, you're probably being told on a regular basis that every conceivable thing is your fault. It isn't. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake. That being said, here's a simple way to tell: If you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it's probably not you. Remember, impossible people can do no wrong.
#4 Defuse them. Stay calm, and don't spit angry words at them, whatever you do don't cry - this will only stimulate them to do more of the difficult behavior. Try ignoring them. Try looking away or starting another conversation, with a totally different topic. Find something you can agree with or praise them for. Do not, under any circumstances, join them in bashing, blaming or complaining. Do not bad talk to their face or to anyone else because then you are sinking down to their level. Add something positive. Redirect by focusing on something, anything, positive in the situation or in the conversation. Whatever you do just stay calm!
#5 Realize that you cannot deal with impossible people the same way you deal with everyone else. In some ways, they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen, at least with you. Remember what happened the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with this person. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.
#6 Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Remind yourself that this person's opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.
#7 Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn't even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.
#8 Give up self-defense. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they're called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.
#9 Understand that eventually, you and the impossible person will have to part ways. Whether they are a friend, a boss, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you can't (or won't) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you've already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.
#10 Avoid letting the impossible person make you into a "clone" of them. If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender's own behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person's actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.
#11 Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of "fixing" the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). You can't convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don't recognize (or if they did, wouldn't try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don't have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It's far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you'll become a better manager.
#12 Realize that impossible people engage in projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person's flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.
#13 Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and even some kindness (as difficult as that may be) -- because these are all the things that the impossible person is not or not very good at. We are all influenced by the people in our environment--they don't have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you don't receive respect, that's -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might possibly get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a difference.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People
#1 Recognize that impossible people exist; you will eventually encounter them. There isn't a thing you can do about it. The first step is all about facing reality: If you think you might be dealing with an impossible person, you're probably right. When in doubt, proceed as instructed below. The headaches you save will be your own.
#2 Be aware that some people simply aren't compatible. Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for your personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water. It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim that "Everyone else likes me." This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so don't buy it. It doesn't matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is, the way the two of you interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts. To counter this, tell them that it is a logical fallacy, or specifically an Ad hominem.
#3 Understand that it's not you, it's them. This can be surprisingly difficult, considering that impossible people have complete mastery of blaming skills. If you're dealing with an impossible person, you're probably being told on a regular basis that every conceivable thing is your fault. It isn't. As the saying goes, "It takes two to tango." Chances are, the more often they blame you, the more they themselves are actually at fault. Keep in mind that this is not to be used as a way to blame them. Blaming is what impossible people do, and they do it well. Instead, you are only facing the facts, for your own sake. That being said, here's a simple way to tell: If you accept responsibility for your own faults and resolve to improve yourself, it's probably not you. Remember, impossible people can do no wrong.
#4 Defuse them. Stay calm, and don't spit angry words at them, whatever you do don't cry - this will only stimulate them to do more of the difficult behavior. Try ignoring them. Try looking away or starting another conversation, with a totally different topic. Find something you can agree with or praise them for. Do not, under any circumstances, join them in bashing, blaming or complaining. Do not bad talk to their face or to anyone else because then you are sinking down to their level. Add something positive. Redirect by focusing on something, anything, positive in the situation or in the conversation. Whatever you do just stay calm!
#5 Realize that you cannot deal with impossible people the same way you deal with everyone else. In some ways, they need to be treated like children. Give up all hope of engaging these folks in any kind of reasonable conversation. It will never happen, at least with you. Remember what happened the last fifty times you tried to have a civilized discussion about the status of your relationship with this person. Chances are, every such attempt ended in you being blamed for everything. Decide now to quit banging your head against a brick wall.
#6 Protect your self-esteem. If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self-image. Remind yourself that this person's opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly "fact-challenged." If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You can't possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade.
#7 Guard against anger. If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didn't even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold.
#8 Give up self-defense. Understand very clearly that you cannot beat these kinds of people; they're called "impossible" for a reason. In their minds, you are the source of all wrongdoing, and nothing you can say is going to make them consider your side of the story. Your opinion is of no consequence, because you are already guilty, no matter what.
#9 Understand that eventually, you and the impossible person will have to part ways. Whether they are a friend, a boss, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you can't (or won't) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, you've already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact.
#10 Avoid letting the impossible person make you into a "clone" of them. If you aren't careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offender's own behavior, even if you aren't voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible person's actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past.
#11 Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of "fixing" the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They can't (and even if they could, they wouldn't). You can't convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They don't recognize (or if they did, wouldn't try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they don't have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. It's far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, you'll become a better manager.
#12 Realize that impossible people engage in projection. Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible person's flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them.
#13 Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and even some kindness (as difficult as that may be) -- because these are all the things that the impossible person is not or not very good at. We are all influenced by the people in our environment--they don't have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you don't receive respect, that's -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might possibly get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a difference.
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Impossible-People
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
thehellicare
Take chances... alot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up - and with who, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are... you learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel - always . Be you, and be okay with it. It doesn't matter what any other person thinks.
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