UP fair 2009

Every year, I look forward to attending the fair in UP since it is one of the memorable events in my school life. Last night, the bands that were scheduled were few of my favorites, especially Bamboo!!! Oohhhh gawdddd!!! I love love LOVE Ira Cruz SOOOO MUCH! I was soooo kilig and giddy at the sight of him! *wide grin* They played three songs: Pinoy, Hallelujah, and Kailan. The crowd was having fun while the bands played. Kitchie Nadal also played and Giniling festival prior to Bamboo. Unfortunately, there are these emo people who never fail to ruin the fair. There were still so many bands lined up like Rivermaya, Spongecola, Sugarfree, Moonstar88, etc. but the fair was forced to end because these bastards kept on banging the fences so they could get into the fair grounds for, guess what, free. Of course, many were disappointed because we were expecting to have fun. I got really pissed with what happened because in the first place, they shouldn't be there if they do not have the damn fund to pay for the entrance fee! I wonder why the policemen were not doing anything to shooo those stubborn people away, and if ever they really were guarding the grounds, I don't think it is enough. Darrrrrn! But so far..... I was quite content already with seeing Ira Cruz. <3 =D

single awareness day

Whew! Tomorrow's gonna be valentines day na! Waaah! And I do not have a date na naman! Wahahah! But, thinking about it, who cares anyway? Do you really need to be on a date during Feb 14? I think that's so stereotyped already! Lols. I'm not bitter! I'm just really not into dates during valentines day, even if I was in a relationship cuz I feel that it's so baduy to go with the flow. Honestly, I was thinking if I'm happy being single. Yeah, for some, this could be a really big deal. Thinking deeper into it, being single also has many advantages, though of course, there are still disadvantages to it. But I want to focus on the positive side as looking on the dark side would only be so pathetic. This morning, I received an early valentine gift from a co-teacher. Natuwa naman ako, somebody gave me a rose. Our teamleader also gave us Krispy Kreme donuts. I am actually planning to give away chocolates on Valentines day to everyone in my team. I even wanted to bake a cookie so that my gift would be personalized, pero wala na ko time eh! Huhu. Anyway, as I was analyzing events in my life, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for. Yes, there are so many heartbreaks that I have experienced, but that same pain also gave me the strength to make my life better. We cannot always have everything we want, but God always gives us the freedom to make choices. Thinking about the situation I am in now makes me realize that God had me go through that hurtful process to make me learn, and to make me realize what it feels to be abandoned. And yeah, being in a relationship may be nice, BUT being single gives me more freedom. You might think I am sour-graping. I cannot blame you for thinking that way since I am not sure of what I feel either. Heheh. But right now, I honestly feel kinda tired already of ranting about what happened in the past. I am so tired of being pathetic. I am making a decision now to move forward, and to leave everything behind. It's nice to look back sometimes, but I think that wouldn't help me now as the wound is still fresh. I feel happy because I choose to. And I think I don't need a man to make me happy. I would wait for that perfect time to come when God will give me the man of my dreams, or the man he has prepared for me. I know that God just saved me from being deeply hurt that's why he took that thing or person away while I'm not so into him that deep yet (though that time, I felt that I already was). But seriously speaking, right now, all I want to do is have fun and enjoy my time being single. It's nice to think that there's a rainbow always after the rain, and I am savouring every piece of fun in it. So to all the single ladies out there, Happy Single Awareness Day! Now put yer hands up!! :D

david after dentist

Wahaha! Due to my boredom, I was browsing incessantly again in the office. Good thing, our firewall is not so strict here! :D Anyway, I came across this video in YouTube. I just can't help but laugh at the kid. Makes me remember what happens when I've had too much drink... Blabbery-mouth and the non-sense talks! Click on this link to view the video.

"signs"

I was so bored to death at the office today because of two things: 1] I wasn't allowed to take my vacation leave today, therefore, not making it at my high school friend's wedding, and 2] One of my officemates is celebrating his birthday today at 7pm.. and SINCE I am in the office, I wasn't able to make it there either! Bummer! Nevertheless, I managed to entertain myself by browsing, and ola! I chanced upon Chico's blog site and saw this video he posted. I was so enthralled after watching it. Made me feel happy and kilig. "Yeah right," says my cynic self. Hehe. Anyways, this is a 12-minute film called, “Signs”, directed by Patrick Hughes. You can view the film by clicking on this link. Just click on the British flag icon to set the language to English, then enter, then click on “Signs”. The teaser goes, “Where do you find love? If we knew, we would all know where to look. Sometimes all you need is a sign.” ...duh! I wish I knew how to read signs..

last straw -- my version

I am tired of writing about you. I am tired of reading the same regretful lines, the same sad story over and over again. I hate the fact that you make a hopeless romantic sucker out of me. I hate you for making me regret things even if it all happened three months ago. I am stuck in a deep rut because of you. I hate you more for making me hope and making me wait for you to come back so we can start all over again.

I am so stupid for believing that somehow, you still feel the same about me. If you really want me back, you should have come for me a long time ago. I was a fool for believing only the things I want to see. I was a fool for nurturing the memories and keeping it alive deep within my heart for three long months.

I should have known this before. You're a big coward, a big baby who doesn't want to grow up. You wasted your time whining and complaining about your life when you already have so much. You masked your fear and cowardice perfectly well. I told myself that your spoiled-brat attitude is a mere manifestation of creative angst, that you'll get over it in a few years and you'll make it big someday.

Three months has passed. Our lives have changed so much, but not my feelings. Not my goddamn feelings. I'm still in love with the angst-ridden boy I met a year ago. I am still in love with the fact that once in my life, somebody loved me the way you did; that I once hurt for someone as much as I did for you.

But you know what, life has finally slapped me awake. You're totally over me; that I should accept. I am no longer you're true north; I no longer make you feel as if the stars and the moon exist because of the two of us; I no longer make you feel as if you could fight the world weaponless for me. I am no longer "the one".

Letting go and moving on for real has never felt this sad and liberating. Admittedly, you'll always have that softest spot in my heart. No one can ever take your place. I'm quite sure that I'll never fall in love with somebody the way I fell for you. But that's okay. Maybe when my life is over, I'd look back and smile at the memories I lovingly preserved deep inside my stupid, young heart. Maybe I wont shed a single tear anymore, and maybe, just maybe, I'll thank the heavens above for enlightening me and making me understand that it has never been us and there will never be us in this lifetime.

Goodbye my friend. Now I'm convinced that I was never your soulmate, that I was never for you. Maybe somebody out there is waiting for me. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, life should be more than regrets and tears or waiting for something that will never come.

Goodbye Marthy. And thank you for the memories.

confessions of a broken heart

“Am I bitter? Or am I feeling just fine?” I’ve asked myself this question for the nth time since I found out that my ex-boyfriend has somebody new already – just 77 days after our breakup. Yeah, I felt so bad… even horrible to the point I lost my appetite again, but I don’t know why I didn’t cry. Sometimes, I just want to shrug him off from my thoughts because they won’t do any good to me. I would just feel terrible, and I do not want to feel that way again. Early this morning on my way to school, I repeatedly told myself to stop thinking about him, stop talking about him, stop minding him and mind my own life instead, stop missing him, stop singing songs about him or any song that would make me think of him, stop sending him text messages... to totally stop making my world revolve around him. I know that my friends are already tired of hearing so much about him, and all about the sadness and grief I felt because of him. I know that I have to move on to the next chapter of my life, without the man whom I thought would be with me as I make my dreams come true. I know that the pain is already too much for me to bear, and that I should already stop feeling this way because it would do me no good if I continue to hope against hope. But I also don’t know why I can’t seem to stop myself from feeling bad because he seems to be not missing me, and seems to be happy with moving on without me. I don’t know why I still miss him at times. I don’t know why I still feel bad for losing him, and knowing that he is not coming back to me anymore makes me feel worse. I don’t know why I still feel sad most of the time, whenever thoughts of him enter my busy mind. I kept telling myself that that was it… He’s not thinking of you so forget him! He’s been a jerk to you so stop your stupidity! You deserve someone better than him.

But darn, why am I still like this? Is it really all in the mind? Probably. For the hundredth time, I’ve told myself to stop bothering him and mind my own pathetic life. Am I happy with being pathetic? I don’t think so. I still love him… but what will I do now that he doesn’t love me anymore? Continue to hope that we’ll be together again in the future? Look back and regret? But will regret help me move on? NO. That’s it! It will do me nothing, no good. It will all be a waste of time. I hope I could tell myself that and do it.

Looking back at my not-so-good past relationships, I remembered how I was able to move on, and how I came back to my old happy self once I get back on track again. Yeah, the pain seemed to be with me everyday of my life during those years, and I wonder now why it took me that long to get over the person I thought I love. Just recently, I came across a letter that I have sent years ago to the person I had deep feelings for. While I was reading it, I can’t help but ridicule myself at how stupid I was then. We became friends after almost a year of no communication. With the situation I am in now, I thought to myself that I’ll also be laughing at my pathetic old self once I get back to the “optimistic-me” again. I’m positive of that. I can’t force myself to stop loving him now, even if loving him is so pointless. It will die a natural death in its perfect time. And though I still feel the pain at times in my heart, I know that I’ll be fine sooner or later. Yes, I know I can. If I was able to do it before, I can do it again. And I know that this too, will only make me better and stronger.


"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."