On my way home from my practicum, thoughts were going on in my mind about my last relationship. I did not imagine that I would be where I am now. During the break up, I really felt that I won't make it, that I wouldn't survive without him. I felt so terrible during the first two weeks. I didn't want to eat anything, and even sleeping was so difficult for me. My energy was used up in crying and my pillow was always wet with tears. My friends even told me that I looked like a zombie during those two weeks. Hahah!
Thinking about it now, after about 2 months, I feel a bit stupid for wasting my tears on him. But I don't regret everything that happened. Yeah, probably he loved me, but that didn't measure up to the pain he gave me after saying that he suddenly fell out of love. And I don't think falling out of love is enough reason to cheat or flirt. I've already heard that very lame excuse a lot from cheaters. I don't believe someone falls out of love. He's really not mature yet to handle relationships. Well, it is also probably my fault because I did not consult God about my decision on this so the relationship was really doomed to end. And in the first place, even if I knew that the relationship was not bound to last because of his past experiences, I still gave it a try. I thought that he would change, but then I was proved wrong. Lesson is, at least I tried, and I know I gave my all with no regrets.
Analyzing what happened makes me realize that God has a better plan for me than what I had made for myself. Sometimes, it makes me think to get back at him with some sort of revenge, but on the second thought, time spent on that will just be futile. Most of my friends have advised me to just resign from work and look for another company because being around him will not help. I know God will not put me into this situation if He knows I can't make it. But I'm believing that I can. I made it before, I know I can make it again.
Another lesson I have learned is that when we really want something, we can get it, even without God's help. He allows us to get what we want so we will know what happens when we control our own lives instead of allowing Him to help us. He knows best, I believe that. I feel so grateful because during the down times of my life, He never left me alone even after I have forsaken him to pursue my own happiness, which in the end was replaced with so much hurt only.
This pain is temporary, and when I get over this, I know I will be a better and a stronger person. I'll find love again.
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