There is a place in the HEART
where THOUGHTS become WISHES
and WISHES become DREAMS.
It's a place where anything is possible
if we only BELIEVE.
WHEN you're 20+ years old, without a boyfriend or even
a suitor, you are considered a freak in this world.
Yep, no matter how hard you explain it, you are the
odd one out. Attending parties alone. Commuting alone.
Spending Valentine's Day watching "Sleepless in
Seattle" for the nth time. In family reunions you are
always asked that one question: "Do you have a
boyfriend?" That's because a lot of people think that
a man is the be-all and end-all of a woman's
existence.
So over a perfectly good slice of chocolate cake, I
considered the question: "Why do I choose to be
without a boyfriend?" I do not completely understand
men. It is not possible and I don't attempt to. But
this is what I know.
First: I don't have to worry about gaining a few
pounds. That's why I can enjoy a perfectly good slice
of chocolate cake without guilt. I don't have to worry
about trying to fit into a tube top for our (my
hypothetical boyfriend and I) Saturday night date. I
don't have to count the calories in a box of Oreo just
to keep my boyfriend's eyes from wandering. I can
indulge myself with a whole order of chicken cutlets
from the Aveneto without worrying about my abs. You
see, men are very visual creatures. It bothers them to
see their woman even with a little fat. No such thing
as unconditional love unless you go to the gym first.
Second: I'll be known just as me and not as someone's
partner. "And hypothetical boyfriend" does not become
my new last name.
Third: If all I needed was just someone to bring me
home from school, there's always carpool, my dad and
commuting. If what I needed was someone to carry my
things for me, four males in my barkada could do it.
True I can't expect much from them on Valentine's. But
come on, it's just one day in a year. To quote Bridget
Jones: "Valentine's Day is purely commercial, cynical
enterprise, anyway. Matter of supreme indifference to
me."
Fourth: Cliche? and a truth: I had the privilege of
knowing myself better. I have heard this a lot of
times and it's true. People make the mistake of
jumping into a relationship without knowing who they
really are. You have to take time to learn even the
simplest things about yourself. We're individuals.
We're not extensions of another personality. You don't
have to pretend you like R&B music because your
boyfriend does. Or eat blueberry cheesecake even if
you think it tastes like perfume.
Fifth: I heard this from the creator of the TV series
"Sex & the City": Often, women look for that someone
to complete themselves. But that just doesn't work
because you alone should complete yourself. Before I
chose to remain unattached, I had the illusion that
there was 50 percent of me somewhere in the world. I
would walk around expecting the next man to be that 50
percent. That's why it was so easy to believe that you
were in love although you were really in love with the
idea of being in love. Blame Jerry Maguire and his
"You complete me" line.
Sixth: I can be friends with all the guys I want
without anyone hounding or interrogating me. A friend
told me what a great feeling it was to go to a party
and mingle with all sorts of people. It's much better
than sitting in the farthest corner of the bar with
your boyfriend, watching everybody else having a good
time. Being single gives you more freedom.
Seventh: With just too many assholes and perverts out
there, this is probably a major reason I choose to be
single. Every single encounter with an asshole
reaffirms my commitment to remain unattached. A friend
told me that assholes act the way they do because they
think they're God's gift to women. I think assholes
are the way they are because they can't accept the
fact that women can be better than them. Believe me,
I've met all kinds: jerks, commitment phobic,
chauvinists, players, liars, peeping toms, egotists,
maniacs, etc.
Eighth: I don't have to listen to mushy songs, do
mushy things, write mushy letters and say mushy words.
I used to listen to Sunday Slowdown regularly, which
fed my illusion of undying, unrequited and true love.
Now I only listen to a lot of guitar, bass and
screaming. It feels much better.
Ninth: My life is complicated enough. I don't need
someone to complicate it further. It breaks my heart
to see my friends distressed over a guy. "He didn't
call." "He didn't show up." "I saw him with another
girl." "He spends more time with his friends than me."
"He cancelled." "I think he's breaking up with me."
"He thinks I should give him space." "But he just
wants to be friends." "He wants us to get back
together." "He's a bad driver." I have heard these and
more. Thank God all I have to worry about is getting
my papers for school done."
Tenth: Cynthia Alexander, in her song "Walk Down the
Road," could not have said it better: "I'm glad to be
on my own. I have never been this free! I've never been
so alive, so much in love with life."
So I'm fine just the way I am, thank you very much.
I'm fine being alone, fine without a man. People tell
me I'm just saying that because I haven't met my man
yet. Well, I'm not holding my breath waiting because I
like me just as I am. Being single isn't about not
having a man. It's about having fun, knowing yourself
and having a perfectly good slice of chocolate cake.
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