i miss you so bad!

it's been more than a month since we broke up but i'm still here, wishing and hoping you'll be back. i'm missing you so much. i wish you know that i'm still hurting, that i still love you so much. i can't explain why i still feel this way. i know you don't love me anymore, and that i have to let you go, but why is it still so damn difficult for me to do it even if you have pushed me away already?! i terribly miss you. i want to hug you everytime i see you, but i know i can't do that anymore. all i can do is see you from afar, fake a smile and say i'm ok when our paths cross, but don't you know that deep inside, it's killing me that i cannot love you the same way anymore? i'm trying my best to move on, trying to forget you, trying to unlove you, trying to be ok with this. i'm trying to keep myself from crying everytime i remember what has been and what can't be anymore. i'm trying to stay strong, thinking this would be the best for both of us. that i should set you free if i really love you. i just want to see you happy even if it means letting go of my own happiness. i don't know how to pick up the pieces of my broken heart back together, and everytime i try, i wound myself again and again. you don't know how frustrated i feel right now for not having you as my "man" anymore. it's supposed to be our 8th monthsary today. seems like i'm the only one who remembered because you're busy with other stuff now.. and anyway, what's the sense in remembering it? i still love you, and i know i sound stupid already because no matter how many times i tell myself that i should not feel this way anymore, i still do, so much! and no matter how many times i tell myself that i deserve someone better, i still end up longing for you! my heart cries out for only you. don't you know how much you really mean to me? what else do you want me to do to prove it to you? i hate what i'm feeling now because i know i couldn't do anything about it and that this craziness must already stop. but my tears seems to be infinite. i want to scream. i want to tell the world how much i love you, and what i'm feeling now. but i know i have to keep it inside. God knows how I've cried. tell me, how would i forget you? and why aren't you missing me?