laws of life

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

deym!

So why when I'm angry, do I not know how to respond aggressively? Perhaps years of bottling up my emotions have paid off, and now I don't know how to react when I feel certain things. My immediate reaction to anger is to shut down, get quiet, and get sad. I get angry, and instead of yelling or expressing anger, I only know how to express sadness. I cry when I'm sad, and I cry when I'm angry, and I cry no matter what. I have that I'd-like-to-punch-a-wall feeling, but I don't know what to do with it, because I'm too practical to punch a wall (I won't get my security deposit back, and I'll break my hand), and in spite of what grandma used to say, punching a pillow just doesn't make me feel better. I don't even know how to yell. I don't even know what yelling loudly feels like. So I did what anyone would do in 2008, and I googled anger. Here were some of the better thoughts:

"Is anger a bad thing? Yes and no. It is like the exhaust from a car. Does the exhaust pollute? Yes. Can I run my petroleum-fueled car without making exhaust? No. Are there other types of fuel that can be used that do not have this exhaust? Yes, and car manufacturers are slowly looking to alternative types of fuel."

"Your anger is your response to the world not going as you wish. You feel anger when:
Your son leaves shaving cream on the mirror.
Your unmarried daughter gets pregnant.
A colleague in your office gets mugged.."

"Anger repressed, anger suppressed, anger inhibited, anger kept in the body is toxic. Doctors are just beginning to understand how dangerous internalized anger is. Medical researchers have found that people who suppress their anger, people given to suspiciousness, fuming, and recurrent hostile rages, are putting their lives at risk as much as people who smoke and people who are grossly overweight."

.....well, shit.