Not that I'd give this advice to my friends, but as I've read through the blog, I realized that we had the same reasons for not wanting to marry before 30 years old.
Below are some words of wisdom I loved so much from the article:
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“Are your standards are too high?”
–as we lower our standards, we enforce this lovelessness on our children all over again.
–Whom you marry is life’s most profound decision.
In your 20s, have fun, learn and grow
–Until you really know who you are and what you want with complete confidence, do not commit your life to someone else.
–So, build a life all on your own, and don’t dump it anytime you have a new boyfriend. Good men won’t appreciate it, and bad men will just manipulate you into giving up more and more. – so TRUE!
–Finding your soul mate requires that you first commit to loving yourself enough to make choices that make you happy.
In your 20s, learn to become independent
–At some point in your journey, you must separate yourself mentally, emotionally and spiritually from the influences around you. What does it mean to be “independent”?
– learn to see your parents as individuals and not just your parents.
–allow yourself to establish an even closer of intimacy and friendship
In your 20s, explore life’s possibilities
–Soon, you’ll enter new long-term obligations, and those obligations will circumscribe your life forever. Now is the one time in your entire adult life that you’ll ever get to be a little selfish. Take advantage of this freedom. –EXACTLY what I'm currently doing :)
– Give yourself permission to spend a few years wandering about and figuring out what it is that interests you.
After all, your brain is still changing
–part of your brain that comes up with long-range strategy, that answers the question “Who am I and what do I want to do with my life,” actually keeps changing into your 20s and 30s.
–you are a different person now in your 20s than you will be in your 30s – and so is your boyfriend.
–When you’re 20 and the long-term-thinking area of your brain is still evolving, you look for “Mr. Right Now.” When you’re 30, you’re better equipped to find a “Mr. Right” for ever.
Why do you want to get married?
–forget about the fantasy of marriage and let’s get real.
Love is not enough
–Love is only the starting point for a successful marriage.
–you and he must agree on the direction of your [relationship] and the values by which it will run
–You must believe in each other completely and trust in each other’s good judgment
–You must figure out how your [relationship] will make money and how to spend it
–You must identify what tasks must be done and who will do what
–You must commit to [each other] for the rest of your days on Earth
Take a headhunting approach to finding Mr. Right
–Take a headhunting approach to finding your soul mate.
–Do not slack off on your search for Mr. Right. This is the most important search of your life, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that the only thing at stake is your future.
–Step One is defining your ideal candidate. Do not lower your standards, but do make sure your standards are sound.
–sort these qualities into two columns: “Must Have” and “Nice to Have.” Your “Must Have” column should include only those things that are truly important..
–Falling in and out of love with different people is important to helping you better understand what you don’t want in a relationship as well as what you do want.
Don’t put him in charge of deciding your fate
–This is the one who tries to force every guy she dates onto the marriage track. She comes across as desperate.
–A man wants you to be with him because you CHOOSE to be, NOT because you NEED to be.
Don’t deploy The Ultimatum
–I don’t believe in The Ultimatum. When you’re with your soul mate, it should be so completely obvious to you both that wild horses could not keep him from running after you and making absolutely certain that you are his forever. He will be grateful for every day that he has with you. And he will commit to spending the rest of his days caring for you and any children that you have together.
There are great men out there
–It’s nonsense, the idea that if you wait to marry, there will be no good men left. Any woman who thinks there are no good men out there simply does not know how to relate to men.
–if you learn how to love men the way they need to be loved, you’ll never be lonely.
First become Ms. Right
–It’s through work that you discover your passions, and that you develop a greater understanding, love and respect for yourself. Spend your 20s working really really hard finding things you’re passionate about
–And a smashing job puts you in touch with the kind of man you couldn’t access if you were a dummy.
… and that’s when the good men will appear
–I started attracting a narrower band of men, of much higher caliber. The man-boys disappeared and I was left with successful, self-assured real men. Dating became fun.
It’s way better to be an older parent
–Younger parents still have lots of life experiences to live, and can actually end up resenting the restrictions and responsibilities placed on them by virtue of having a child. Older parents tend to be more ready to settle down and focus their attention on the enjoyment of being parents and not feeling they are ‘missing out’ on other experiences. Their lives tend to be richer, and their experiences with each other, their children and life in general, have deeper meaning and appreciation.
The rush to marry too young is what’s leftover from a previous era
–If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun. Do not ever let anyone make you feel you are less than a fully legitimate member of society simply because you are free. So, get out there and make all your dreams come true. You too can have it all. And then, ladies, through your shining example, show the rest of society how to really live.
